Why Can't I Get Motivated?

I Know What I ‘Should do’, So Why Don’t I do it?

Clients often start therapy at the point of emotional exhaustion.  Assessments reveal that they are feeling completely depleted, shut down, in a state of burnout and depressed.  Life can feel very bleak and flat, with little or no pleasure in sight.  Clients attend therapy concerned about their drop in productivity and functioning, often telling me that they are doing nothing of value. 

Getting Active

It is usually very difficult at this point to engage the brain in any attempts to try and ‘think us’ out of this state.  We can reason, talk and even argue with ourselves or our therapists for hours, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference.  What seems to be a lot more effective is having a clear plan to schedule in rewarding and meaningful activity that provide us with a sense of achievement or pleasure.

It has long been recognised that there is a clear correlation between engagement in meaningful and rewarding activity and mental well-being.  Behavioural science has proven that the more we do, the more we want to do.  And conversely, if we allow ourselves to reduce or stop doing the things we love or that provide that sense of pride in our achievements, the less we want to do.  Our motivation hits rock bottom and we can become stuck in what’s known as a ‘spiral of exhaustion’ – in which we gradually reduce our connection to meaningful and rewarding activity, and only focus on resolving stress and ‘fixing’ things.

The solution is obvious – just make more time to do what matters!  A behavioural technique known as ‘behavioural activation’ focuses on just this principle and is a core component of CBT for depression. Evidence shows that behavioural activation can significantly improve mood in people diagnosed with clinical depression.

Makes Sense – So Why Can’t I Get Motivated to Do It?

Unfortunately, many of us in these depressed or depleted states struggle to find the motivation to actively engage in meaningful activity, simply because we are feeling so low.  We can then find ourselves constantly beating ourselves up for lacking the commitment or motivation to do the things that we know will make us feel better.  So why can’t we ‘just do it’?

The answer lies in the way our brains have evolved to deal with threat.  Without getting too technical about it, in order to survive we needed to be able to respond effectively to external threats (such as a wild animal coming to attack us) in the most effective way possible.  Hyper-focus on approaching threat, vigilance for potential threats that might happen had good survival value, and was a skill naturally selected for our survival as a species.

Early in our evolution, it did not make sense to divert valuable energy and attention into being creative or nurturing our hopes and desires when we were faced with impending threats (which were often life threatening).  Our brains essentially evolved as an effective ‘don’t eat me machine’ with a huge potential to spot, plan for and react to threat effectively for survival.

Unfortunately, our brains continue to respond to our modern-day threats in much the same way, even though our modern-day threats are far less likely to be imminently life threatening and more likely to be things that might pose a threat to our self-esteem, our performance at work or finances.  It’s not that these threats are less serious, but the survival mechanisms we might need to fend off a wild animal are very different to the mechanisms we need to resolve these modern-day threats more effectively. Our brains react in terms of physical survival rather than in ways that promote effective resolution in many situations.

When we feel low, threatened by others, overworked and undervalued or whatever else might be happening in our internal worlds, our brains are telling us a very different story.  They tell us to put all of our energy and resource into fixing, watching out for problems, noticing more threats, or (if the threat is ongoing or feels very intense) eventually shutting down completely and being unable to function.

Most people already understand the importance of making time for ourselves and doing things that feel rewarding and nurturing.  We are also often able make really great, achievable plans to respond to life’s challenges in this way.    The problem is that our brain simply doesn’t want us to divert our attention away from the threat.  Instead it wants to keep us stuck in it, keeping an eye on it and working to resolve it, even when all our attempts to do so have stopped working.  Whilst this can be a source of frustration for many, it’s worth remembering that with all this hesitancy and lack of motivation, all our brains are trying to do is keep us safe and prevent us from coming to harm. 

So the message here is this:

1)           Be clear about what nurtures you or soothes you (or what used to in the past)

2)           Commit to doing more of it

3)           Notice the mind’s resistance, acknowledge it’s trying to keep you safe

4)           Show your mind some compassion, BUT….

5)           Carry on doing what matters, and DON’T wait for the motivation to arrive – if you’re experiencing a lot of stress it’s very likely it won’t!

If you feel you would benefit from further help and support you can contact us here.